Growth has No Age Limit...and Love Helps us Grow

As I travel around the country meeting couples who have found love over 50 (and 60 and 70 and 80), certain themes are emerging. Over and over I’m hearing how people are valuing the miracle of a love connection like they never did before. Interestingly, what I’m also hearing a lot about is excitement over hobbies and interests. And that makes sense. Love is transformative—it opens a person up—and it turns out there is no age limit to this truth.

In a recent interview, a high-energy, multi-talented man shared how he curtailed his many interests during a first marriage—there were complaints and he was trying to please his wife. In his present relationship, begun at 61, he’s joining more singing groups and reviving a passionate interest in model railroads: he now feels supported by someone who loves who he is. Telling me about this win/win development—“It’s unprecedented!” —his voice brimmed with boyish, joyous enthusiasm.

Who knew? Who knew that this book would turn into a project that I could share with my husband Warren? (We met in our 60s.) Since last February, when he sat in on a beautiful visit in Denver, he’s accompanied me on interviews. Then a month ago, he suggested: perhaps he could take photos, too?

What I didn’t know is that as a young man, Warren was passionate about photography. He loved capturing nature with his 35 mm SLR Mamiya Sekor. He loved developing pictures in his darkroom. But he hadn’t touched a camera in decades. I listened to him describe that long-ago interest and saw the light in his eyes.

The next Autumn Love interview was in Flemington NJ with Don and Millie (delightful couple who lives in Florida but were visiting his daughter Donna). For days, Warren studied the instruction booklet to my Canon 20D, which I barely know how to use. The black and white photo you see here is the result. In the color one below, left to right, that’s Don, Millie, me and Donna. You can’t see Warren’s face—he took the picture—but he was smiling.

It’s not just in interviews that I’m hearing about growth over 50. One of the unexpected pleasures of writing this book is connecting on-line with other creative people. A while ago I connected with Laurie Schur, who at 57 started taking film classes at UCLA Extension. (She used to be a therapist.) Laurie followed her heart and kept going. Two years ago, she started directing her own documentary: The Beauty of Aging, about extraordinary women over 80.

Laurie’s film is still in production but she has for release a 35-minute short, Greedy for Life. I saw it. It’s amazing and inspiring. Go to www.beautyofaging.com.

And if you come across a couple who found true love over 50, let me know! www.autumnlove.org.